apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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