I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
