He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
