Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
