my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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