Just fell off a train. Bad.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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