Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
