My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
