If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
