Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
