it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
