I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
