If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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