So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
