I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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