he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You did what with his pubic hair?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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