It's Friday. Sex?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
