I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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