Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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