dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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