Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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