I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
