she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
