It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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