i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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