The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
