we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
