then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
