I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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