I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
