i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
