Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Enjoy the penises
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
