Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
