end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
