I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
