so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Congratulations! We have a period
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