tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
time to smoke my breakfast
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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