a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
