my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
