I can tuck mytits in my pants
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
