I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
