I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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