She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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