Porn is love you can see.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
