I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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