chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
