ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
