Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
