Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
