afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
